mattiewolf

My plan is forming in my head and it is driving me up the walls. I can cover the price of the flights with 1/3 of my monthly pay check. I feel insane and insanely awesome.

June 1st 2011 Helsinki - New York
August 29th 2011 Los Angeles - Helsinki

Approx 600€ which is roughly 750$.

I wanna go right now. I don't want to wait a year. In a few months I would be able to book the flights.

So many things to feel, see, meet, greet, cheat, reap, creep.

But my brother is getting married. In July. Which puts me under tremendeous pressure. On the other hand the whole trip is about me, so leaving under the stars of family grudge would be befitting. But I am not like that. Fratricide is not my cup of tea. Neither is Twinning's Earl Grey for that matter. And don't get me started on coffee.

I dont want absolution. I want to leave on my own, own account, own decision. So him telling me I should go is counter-productive. Is this how teenage manifests itself.

I want it to be about me. My life to be about me.

And all your base are belong to is, it sure as hell is gonna be.

Feeler, Seer, Meeter, Greeter, Cheater, Reaper, Creeper. My own little seven dwarfs. Who is Snow White? Or the step-mom. What a sad little allegory. I used to do better.

I will do better. I will. Determination. If Frankenfurther could build Rocky who climbed the stairs. Dead veel and puching bags. I will.

So, as part of my "top 00's" I proudly present the first (and the longest) of them all:
Top 100 tracks of the past decade.

Behold and shaun the non-believers. I've tried to keep the hype off some artists and be more versatile than (Editors, Patrick Wolf, R.E.M.) certain bands's and artists's discographies would naturally lead me to be. Other than that, the only requirement is that the songs need to be released in the 21st century. (albeit I bent the rules for one)

1. Editors - This house is full of noise
Pure perfection, from lyrics to the thundering tsunami of an outro. The sad part is how few a people will get a hold of this, it being a B-side. Find it, experience it.
2. Kent - Pärlör
Tucked neatly between two great songs on a great album, this one holds out best as stand-alone piece. The lyrics being as intruiging as its follower or predecessor with an apathy for a cold Sweden, something usually reserved for Finns.
3. Patrick Wolf - Paris
Yes, Patrick at his finest. A song that defys the common structure of a pop song, but still has a chorus catchy as hell. And the story hidden in the song is worth a listen, the chorus being deceitful as a frosting peppered with sugar.
4. Final Fantasy - Please please please
Mr. Owen Pallet of Canada has declared to be Gay and an Artist, not a gay-artist. His greatest effort boasts "Please, please, please don't let your cock do all the work" ladden with strings. Go figure.
5. Rihanna - Disturbia
Memories and hidden meanings, but a great song out of context aswell. And not just great, but one of the best dance tracks out there.
6. Shudder to Think - Ballad of Maxwell Demon
This one was released back in the nineties, but I discovered it in high school. The influence hasn't been topped by any one song.
7. Arctic Monkeys - Mardy Bum
The boys slow down but the lyrics keep getting better. It's vocal cinematography at it's finest. A visual version could never do it justice.
8. Dido - Honestly Ok
Run as you might, it will not cease haunting you. It will make you cry and curl up on the shower floor. Cause _you_ just want to feel safe in your own skin.
9. Maija Vilkkumaa - Se Ei Olekaan Niin
The lyrics, even the title is impossible to translate. The little nyances in the lyrics make the desperation linger around you, proving things you believed to be fundamental to be obsolete.
10. Patrick Wolf - Tristan
I am gonna quote The Stylusmagazine: "In a better world than our own, the stomp-and-grind of “Tristan” would define the two-and-a-half minute pop song." Perfection.
11. Patrick Wolf - The Tinderbox
12. Editors - Spiders
13. R.E.M. - I'll Take the Rain
14. Mew - 156
15. Björk - Oceania
16. Cold Play - Fix you
17. Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc.
18. Lapko - Dead Disco
19. Museum - Flowers & Dust
20. Panic! at the Disco - Build God Then We'll Talk
21. Kent - Dom Andra
22. PMMP - Viimeinen valitusvirsi
23. Placebo - Post Blue
24. Poets of the Fall - Carnival of Rust
25. R.E.M. - Electron Blue
26. Patrick Wolf - To the Light House
27. Robbie Williams - Supreme
28. Snow Patrol - Run
29. Lady Gaga - Just Dance
30. Editors - A Life as a Ghost
31. 30 Seconds to Mars - Buddha for Mary
32. Howard Shore - Concerning Hobbits
33. Britney Spears - My Prerogative
34. The Crash - Thorn in my side
35. Dido - This land is mine
36. Robbie Williams - King of bloke and bird
37. Envy on the Coast - Temper temper
38. Final Fantasy - The CN Tower Belongs to the Dead
39. Franz Ferdinand - Auf Achse
40. Green Day - Jesus of Suburbia
41. My Chemical Romance - Welcome to the Black Parade
42. Natalie Imbruglia- Smoke
43. Nelly Furtado - Try
44. Nine Inch Nails - Pilgrimage
45. Patrick Wolf - Thickets
46. PMMP - Ikuinen leikki
47. Mindless Self Indulgence - Shut me up
48. Kwan - Unconditional Love
49. Adam Lambert - For Your Entertainment
50. Mew - Chinaberry tree
51. Pintandwefall - Jail
52. The 22-20's - Devil in me
53. Bloc Party - Biko
54. Coldplay - Viva la Vida
55. Damien Rice - 9 crimes
56. Death Cab for Cutie - I Will Follow You Into The Dark
57. Hans Zimmer & James Newton Howard - Aggressive Expansion
58. Indica - Lasienkeli
59. James Blunt - Wisemen
With obscure lyrics, two music videos, both crappier than the other, this song drowned in the mass of radio playlists. But it is, as is the artist alltogether, a gem to shine through a lot more pointless pebbles out there.
60. Justin Timberlake - My love
The reform of all reforms in the 21st century. He didn't just come back but reinvented himself after the Britney hollabaloo with the help of Timbaland. Now he has been reduced to a 'featuring J-T' act, but My Love featuring Timbaland and T-I was the shit.
61. Killer - Liar
Siiri Nordin having become a sad songwriter, it's hard to remember the brilliance that was Killer. But google it, and fall back to that teenage phase when "You're a liar, liar, liar, baby!"
62. Jens Lekman - A Postcard to Nina
Another lyrical masterpiece. What to do when hopelessly in love with your lesbian friend? Jens has done it all. And it features one of my top 5 favourite lyrical moments: "Your father is mailing me all the time/ He says he just wants to say hi/ I send back "out of office, auto-replies""
63. Muse - Supermassive Black Hole
As made famous by Twilight. It is recognisable and catchy, and like all Muse, resistant to any critique. I mean it pulled off the infamous Twilight baseball scene without a scratch to it's shiny alternative-armour.
64. My Chemical Romance - Famous last words
Albeit Black Parade is legit a good record, the finale reaches a late climax instead of drowning in despair. An angel battling a devil, you and me, a broken relationship, a broken life. It is all there, for you to scream your lungs out to.
65. Maija Vilkkumaa - Se pistää ajoittain itkemään
Maija Vilkkumaa is one the greatest lyricists I know. Lately she has been falling off the brilliance cart, but this earlier piece about being arrested by your child hood best friend deserves to be understood. Free translation: "You better remember how you always got to choose whether you're playing Agnetha or Frida" (the vocalists of ABBA)
66. Stephen Schwartz / Wicked - Dancing Through Life
The only Broadway piece on the list is basically a mix of all the themes from Wicked mashed into a 8 minute danceteria of character developement.
67. Paolo Nutini - Jenny Don't Be Hasty
He went and ruined it all when decided to go from little country to full out Dylan on a porch with a harmonica. But this one is, very much like that of Maroon 5, the debut record opener that hasn't been topped since.
68. Pintandwefall - John the Seahorse
So four girls decide to win a band competition and start a band. Two years later their first album is out, laden with songs about sea creatures and video games. John the Seahorse is a general of the Atlantic forces sent out to battle the troupes from the Indian ocean. Just google the lyrics, theyre brilliance in a jar.
70. Dido - See the Sun
It is actually the live version that knocks the ball off the court, but the combo of the main track and the little hidden one waiting for you after 10 minutes of silence really hits the mark. You know what it's like to feel broken and how the healing doens't start before some human connection. Dido can be that human connection for you.
71. Dresden Dolls - Sex Changes
Written in the form of a letter from Nip/Tuck to a customer, the thumping piano comdements the unorthodox singing of Amanda Palmer.
72. Britney Spears - If U Seek Amy
F.U.C.K., get it?!?!? It spells out F.U.C.K. Gets me dancing and I mean it spells out F.U.C.K.!
73. Amy McDonald - This Is the Life
If you have spotify, you hate this woman even more you hate "Jonathan fom Spotify". But the song has a nice country twist with very modern lyrics. And the feeling you get when listening to it holds very true to the songs lyrics: So you sit there with nothing to do
74. El Mars - Painting Horses as They Dance Their Night Away
Met this Latvian indie artist on a plane from NY and he has the sort of singer-songerwriter credibility most youtubers have wet dreams about. Writing about love (duh) and the hardships of all kinds of ships, his selfproduced debut even has a ship on it's cover. And the song title would be very fitting for an indie film, Jason Reitmann take note!
75. Gackt - Seki-rei
The Boy Wonder from Japan with a career spanning over a decade had to be acknowledged. This song ends... but wait... it comes back for a few more a's and b's. Love.
76. The Good, the Bad & the Queen - Herculean
Damon Albarn having been introduced a few songs back, the band deserves a closer look. Officially they have no name and according to Mr. Albarn in case they whip up another record, it will be epynomous aswell. Cause if Mr Albarn does something as simple as gathers up 3 musicians and makes a great record, there's gotta be a twist to it.
77. Hanna Pakarinen - Fearless
An other Idol alumni, she didn't make it too far. But her first proper single is solid Finnish pop-production at it's finest. Sarcasm implied. The song rocks, though.
78. The Killers - Somebody Told Me
A killer of a song with the weirdest lyrics (which I have concluded to be a typo) leaves few cold. Cause 'I had agirlfriend/ who looked like the boyfriend/ you had in February of last year'
79. Damon Albarn / Monkey's Journey to the West - Heavenly Peach Banquet
He has helmed one the most succesful British bands, been in charge of collaborations such as Gorillaz, and it was only natural for Damon to compose a traditional Chinese opera. And this middle piece is just so very lovely. Listen to the Chinese girls chirping amongst lotus pedals.
80. Patrick Wolf - Bluebells
More Patrick up ahead, but Bluebells being a career defining piece (you're either a pre or after blubells fan), it had to be included on the list. It would have better suited a more diverse record and doesn't carry the weight of being the album highlight well. But out of context it is absolutely charming.
81. Sigur Ros - Vaka
The originality that is Sigur Ros is hard to evaluate amongst the likes of Britney, but choosing Vaka over Hoppipolla wasn't too much of a stretch. It most likely is their greatest symphony so far.
82. Vampire Weekend - Walcott
The South-Africa jamming group delivers the easiest fix of indie hype with Walcott. It's effortless and doesn't demand anything but your tapping foot and a second hand jacket.
83. Panic! at the Disco - Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off
The title being a quote from 'Closer' and the music video featuring people walking around with aquariums on their heads, P!atD knows their intertextuality, also in the lyrics. And when an emokid declares to be a better fuck than any other boy, you know they've got certain yellow liquid all the way up.
84. Keane - Spiralling
Their greatest effort seems to be their only song that doesn't make the British industry magazines snore or set blood thirsty hound dogs after them. Works for me aswell.
85. Anna Abreu - Ivory Tower
Boom pow, the only Finnish Idol to 'conquer' anythig but Finland (if even that..), this second single serves as a danceble little tune, most suited to be sang along with friends, none of whom naturally knows the lyrics by heart...
86. Bright Eyes - Devil Town
Heads would drop if Mr. Oberst wouldn't get a nod on this list. Haven gotten to him as late as last year, I feel safe to rank this littl B-side over the biggest hits. I can always blame my ignorance.
87. Danger Radio - You All Believe
This Washington-State based band with a Finnish drummer lead me to direct what some people refer to as "the tuna eating music vid" as a school poject. The song is catchy and if it wasn't so god damn scene, would have deserved some serious attention. And did I mention the Finnish drummer? Cause that's like A Big Deal!
88. Disco Emsemble - Worst Night Out
Magic Recoveries is a great album and it comes with a poster. Even more so, it comes with great songs, the afformentioned being one of the greatest amongst them.
89. Kylie - Wow
She returned all retro and damn did we love that comeback. And she even uses fancy words such as 'angelic' while sounding as if having an orgasm.
90. Shakira - Don't Bother
Shakiras lyrics might be written by her dog (or gasp herself..) but she gets past the lyrics and doesnt just sing, but rather squeals and howls through it all. And it gets you howling along with her.
91. God is an Astronaut - Forever lost
It's instrumental. I missed their gig cause forgot to buy a ticket. I hate myself. If I ever need a sound track for anything, I'll give this Irish group a call. If I need perfectly produced instumental music, I might just call them again.
92. Maroon 5 - Harder to Breathe
It just thunders through you, though sadly nothing following the opener of their debut ever came close to the sheer power of being alone and terrified of monsters
93. Stella - Piste
We could argue on end about the singer voice, but the simplicity of the production lets it get to you. "Just let it be./ Just let me be and forget."
94. Dixie Chicks - Not Ready to Make Nice
After havig their albums burned on the streets and music banned by radio stations, eventualy ending up in court, the Chicks returned with even more malaise for the haters. They were not ready to make nice.
95. Kings of Leon - Sex on Fire
Let it be said once and for all: This makes me think of Lion King everytime I hear it. Nuff said.
96. Lapko - Bad Boy
First Finnish entry on the list. An ode to leather and the guy who had the attitude to wear it in middle school. Makes you grin everytime you reach out for that zipper-jacket.
97. Mika - Grace Kelly
Sugary, poppy, catchy, everything that should scream 'worst of' -list. But it features actual voice clips of Ms. Kelly. "Last time we talked you reduced me to tears"
98. Pogo - Expialidocious
Pogo is an Autralian teenager who mixes scenes from old Disney classics and kiddie-films into ambient music. Not kidding. This one is rooted in Mary Poppins and makes your heart soar with the delight the original used to deliver.
99. Chris Cornell - Arms Around Your Love
On his vey much dismissed solo debut Mr. Audioslave hit it right with his Bond-theme, but this little song about longing is where his voice carries you to someplace else, someplace warm but definetely not fuzzy.
100. The Strokes - 12:51
Whereas 'Is this it' might have hit a home run as a record, it's 'Room on Fire' that carries the most catchy tunes. 12:51 has that unresistable drunkedness Arctic Monkeys's music lives off. And this is by the Americans, props.

Disclaimer: The entry gets serious and then veers to self-analysis. You have been warned once again.

Hox! 1€ = about 1,5 $

Been doing my calculations. Once again. So in about 10 minutes I get my next paycheck, which will be deducted by 800 euros up front. That still leaves me to deal with around 700€, a nice sum especially as I have already dealt with rent and such aswell as the most expensive christmas presents. My initial budjet for the presents was 150€, so still got about half of it left and only some minor gifts left to buy. Yay. The aformentioned 800€ includes my own christmas present, a shiny, well matte to be exact, PS3 called Phoenix. 250g Slim with a FFXIII Theme going on. Who said one can't buy love?

But back to those a bit less realistic calculations. If I keep up my pace of work I'll be getting around 1400 € a month. And why should I work any less? <Enter reason here> IKEA. Got my semi-burn out and somewhat ruined 6 months of my life. No regrets I always say, but gotta admit that there are things I wish that had gone differently. And it wasn't just IKEA to blame. Things piled up and I didn't take them on until the very breaking point. Ranting again. Money is what we're all here for. So my rent, gym, electric, internet and phone are somewhere around 300€ a month, something that I'm almost ashamed to admit. But hey, no regrets! 1400 - 300 equals A shitload of money left for my disposal. Somewhere around 1000€ to be modest and depending on the weekends I've worked. Youd need 4,5 kilos of 2 euro coins for that sum of money.

The second paragraph was so illegible that I'm not too sure anyone I made it this far.

(A bit over) 1000€ every month. I'm thinking of depositing half it to my savings acocunt. 500€ a month, give or take (mostly give in this case) up to a hundred. This kind of a saving plan has seriously made me consider postponing my studies for a few years. If I could keep this plan for 1,5 years, that would mean 10 grands. 10 big ones. 10k.

With that kind of money I could travel, hit the States without a work visa, write for a while. But is it worth it? Lets say Mom and Dad move back after 4 years. That means I'd need to get my own apartment around the time I'd start studying. Should I exploit this nearly gratuitous living situation to make money or to survive the infamous student life? I could apply for a school next spring, (given that I've gotten in) graduate in three years and then hit the road with some sort of a degree and possibly a career path without suffering from a tight-nit budjet.

Needles say: "Needless to say" The freedom money offers is intruiging. Something I long for. I used to tell dad how I wanted to keep from working for as long as possible, how I wanted to spend time with friends and be free. How I had no need for money. Which was very true at the time. Well that one failed big time. Just spent the crappiest and most pointless work-free summer. My plans and dreams, my freedom, is now very money-oriented. Not in the sense of acquiring lots of it and becoming a hermit to live in a heap of money. In the sense of getting away from my social network of friends and family, running away from the restraints that hold me from being who I really want to be. I don't wish to sound ungrateful, but for quite some time I've known that I'm going to leave. I have built a net for myself, consisting of people who care about me, but it's merely a safety net. It is not a life. It does not inspire me, it does not take part in my daily life, it does not make me move. It's there in case I fall, but like previous months have proved, problems lie deeper than in the reasons that break you. I'm thankful for my family for keeping me physically intact, but a lot of what was uncovered has only been covered again, not properly dealt with. The thirst for freedom is imminent, more so than ever.

I do not want to choose a path and follow that. I do not want to choose to become a lawyer, a writer, a light designer or what have you. That is not me. My spirit isn't that goal oriented and I do not trust myself to know what I want. I write because it helps me and I purely enjoy it. I work because I like having the money opposed to having to think whether or not I can afford seeing a movie. With longer term plans I'm awfully short-tempered. My quest to exercise three times a week is turning out to be a bad joke. My writing plans have fallen apart every other day. But this one, the one where I save and leave, might work. Because I crave for a change. And I know this one requires time. The whole plan requires patience, planning and most of all determination. Qualities I lack when it comes to mundane things, but not when it's about something as big as myself.

In conclusion:
*Hoping to start saving considerable amounts of money.
*Not piss it off too often
*Cut back on clothes and entertainment.
*Cut back on impulse shopping
*Work out three times a week

Cause this seems to be the only thing I myself can do to truly change things. Oh, promised myself to have gone to bed almost two hous ago. So much for determination.

First off, the name has obviously been anglified, the original spelling has the double consonant, which takes for ever to pronounce in English. So for the sake of my sanity, gonna go with Eric and skip the gut-wrenchin bore of a name he actually has. Eric the Estonian actually sounds like a cartoon character. Suitable, as he has this little Captain America aura about him, atleast in my opinion.

First met him some one and a half years ago in the biggest (and honestly only proper) gay bar in the Capitol area. Must have been the only time I have seen him atleast somewhat sober. Was out clubbing with my first-boyfriend-to-be and his merry gang. Eric must have been one of the first guys ever to hit on me. I gave him my number but some days later started dating, so he became just a friend. Started talking on an online messenger, which has become one of my most crucial social outlets. Just like with so many others, I actually got to know him only as smileys and an avatar. During last autumn I became single once again and we agreed to meet whenever he was in town. The sad part is that during the time I had no obligations towards anyone I didn't see him, not once. He called, I was in Sweden/home/sick/with friends etc.. I called, he wasn't in town. This went on for five months. We were supposed to meet on the night of my graduation in the afformentioned club, but I ended up staying at a local bar with friends. Friends, of which one became my next boyfriend for the following six months. Within a month he started dating too. We both broke up a couple months apart. That's when things actually got a move forwads.

So I have a thing for dancers and business men. Still looking for a combo, but pretty happy with either one. Eric happens to study to become a jurist and works as the financial advisor for the city council. Two thumbs up. He wears a suit to the office and brings work home. Call me old fashioned (or actually very modern) but I like a guy with a proper 9 to 5 job and some work-related stress.

So I knew he was single and in town. I was supposed to go out clubbing and possibly meet him someplace, but being broke stayed home. Called him and I ended up inviting him to my place to sleep. I know what you guys are thinking, but seriously it wasn't like that. He had just broken up and was out with his friends, including the ex. And he used to sleep at the ex's place, which meant that he wouldn't have a place to stay. He said he'd get back to me. Just as I was getting ready for bed, around 2 am, he called. Drunk as an Irish sailor. After little convincing he took a cab and came over. So a recently broken up drunken guy comes over at 3 am... To my surprise we ended up talking for two hours and he sobered up. Cause I had work the next day, I said we'd better get some sleep. We ended up sharing the bed and after some minutes of lying still in awkward silence we had sex.

The next day he didn't dare to come upstairs cause my sister was home. But he walked with me to work and stayed in the store until I had changed into my uniform and he came to the desk to say good-bye. He called me the next day on his way back to Estonia, we talked for about an hour.

Last weekend we were  supposed to hookup again, but with him, nothing goes easy. He arrived at the bar, drunk again, bought me a drink and disappeared for while. Before leaving I searched and found him, told him I was going to see a late hour Micheal Jakson tribute, so if he wanted to come over for the night, I'd be leaving with a 4 o'clock bus. After seeing Thriller danced by a bunch of Zombies, I got an SMS from him, asking where I was. Left my friends behind and ran to the bus. Tried calling him several times, but with no luck. Got onboard the bus at the very last instant, still with no luck. Just as the bus was leaving he finally called. The conversation went somewhere along the lines of:
Me: "Hiya, been trying to call you..."
Him: "There's a bit of a situation going on. Some guys are fighting. I'll call you like soon."
Me: "The bus is leaving like right now!"
- -
He called about 20 minutes later as I was already walking home from the bus. He was gonna buy himself some McFood and was way drunk. We discussed whether he would take a cab again. I said I was pretty tired and it would take him atleast 45 minutes to get to my place, by which time I'd prolly be asleep. And he said he was a bit too drunk to be able to do about anything but sleep. So we deliberated that this was gonna be another uneventful chapter in our story.

He called the next day and asked if I wanted to go out and have dinner. I couldn't cause I was meeting a friend. So apparently he's in for more than just sex. Not sure how I feel about that. I mean I am seriously attracted to him, which is kinda weird apart from the lawyer thing. With wet hair he looks like a Russian drug dealer (his own words, though I sincerely agree), he's 7 years older, we have basically nothing in common and he always happens to be drunk when we meet. But still. To quote Tim Gunn: He knows how to knock my socks off.

About this blog. See, I'm on a mission and need a log. The older one is still in use for every day documenting or what ever you wish to call it. This one goes for everything related to my pilgrimage. What pilgrimage, you ask? Not gonna do the Compostela-route, a bit extreme for me to be honest. But my initial plan is to:

Within 6 years, by 15.9.2015 to be exact, have lived in LA,US and Stockholm, SE and visited Seoul, SK. The first two cities are subject to change within the subject country. More 'why's and 'what's? Figured. Ill tackle them right here right now and if something is left unanswered, hit me with a message. Righty-o. The not-so-freaquently-A&Q's:

- Why a deadline/ what' the f**k is up with that date?
I need something to sort my life out, a long lasting project to keep me interested. Also putting things into writing has always been my way of telling myself to turn dreams into possible, yet more often than not unlikely, outcomes. The date itself holds a lot of symbolic significance, which I wont be discussing for the time being. Six years seems like a doable time frame for this project but it also lets me start acting right now. And yes, even 2015 holds some significance, the world having been destroyed a couple years prior for instance...

- What's with the blog?
I need something huge. Something to break out of my daily routines, which are becoming more and more non-existent in the face of growing roots by lying on my bed. So exposing this idea, this quest, brings a whole new meaning to peer pressure. Even as it is pressure from within. To be able to write in here, things need to happen, life needs to happen. So living to fill out the empty pages? Filling out the pages to have a life.

- Who's the dude in the picture?
Travis Wall, a contestant and later a choreographer of So You Think You Can Dance. Top 5 dream guys.

- The States I get but Sweden? What the effing crap?
That angel boy just felt me up. Sweden is the country for me. Emphasis on 'the'. It is the bigger and better version of Finland. High taxes, public health care, fresh milk in every store but with a few perks like internationally viable art-education, more people and the most beautiful people on earth.

- Korea?
Will see about living there one day, but first I want to atleast see Seoul with my own two hobbity eyes. Seeing the river is enough for me for now.

- When will I study/start working?
Really have no idea. Especially have no idea of what to study. But I'm getting over my peter pan-angst of having to grow up and accepting the fact that at age 25 I might still be clueless of how to be. Maybe I will find a job or some education on my way, who knows. But the more I think about education the more I start feeling anxious about settling down here. To me having to be at one place with virtually no plans of leaving is settling down. So not talking about a house with a dog and a volvo. I mean Subaru.

- What has the post about Felipe got to do with anything?
Though this project is not about as much random hook ups as possible, Felipe is something I will remeber, an experience. Just the kinda thing I'm looking for. I'm thriving towards appreciating every day of my life, not just the one's with something special. And logging experiences is part of becoming a writer. "A writer without a journal, is a writer with nothing to say", quote by Stephen King or Plato or someone of the sort.

- The estimated success rate of this shebang?
Pretty much null. But that's what I'm trying to change about me. Hoping that eventually things like this would inspire me to make a move rather than question my own sanity. Even if it takes 6 years. And atleast it's smarter than applying to So You Think You Can Dance or Project Runway.

- Besides being totally life altering, what will I be getting out of this?
Fame, fortune, killer abs, a dog, Hunter Parrish's phone number and a membership at Screenwriters Guild of America. Like seriously!

I'll send you guys a post card from LA.